Friday, February 04, 2005

N, R, W, 4, 5, S; That's The Way To Transit Success!

When I first began this internship, the route I took to work every morning was like this: I walked to 86th Street on Lexington Avenue and then boarded the 4 or 5 train. That took me to 42nd Street, also known as Grand Central. From there I would board the shuttle to Times Square, called the S. Then, I would exit the subway in Times Square and walk to 57th Street. It was roughly a 12 block walk, but I didn't mind; there's quite a bit to look at.

Since having the flu, and because of the weather being colder and windier, I've changed my route. The less time spent above ground the better.

So, with the help of Julie, my route now goes as follows: I walk to 86th Street and take the 4 or 5, as before, but instead get off at 59th Street. From there, I board the N, R, or W train, which takes me almost directly to 57th Street and Broadway. Nice, right?

The trade-off for taking the quicker N, R, W route is the horrible N, R, W smell. It's not like any place in New York smells particularly good, but this is pretty bad. And no wonder, it looks and feels like a dungeon. On my way home, to get to the 4 or 5 train, I have to make my way down to the absolute lowest levels. I once passed a sewer rat on my way down, and he was all, "Fuck that, dude."

Wednesday, on my way down, a hunchback carrying a torch caught me in the passageway. He only had one good eye, looked like Sloth from the film The Gooonies, and he spoke somewhat like an educated pirate. "Looking for the Chamber of Secrets, are ye?" he asked.

"Um, no," I said. "I'm actually looking for the 4 or 5 express trains."

"Oh, well then," he said. "Let me give you some light; it's darker than shit down here." He led me down the maze of passageways, once in a while whispering, "These tunnels is evil, they is." We got to the platform and he tipped his hat to me, which was strange, because he wasn't wearing a hat before. He said, "This is where I'll leaves ye. By the way, you wouldn't happen to know where the Chamber of Secrets be, would ye?"

"No, sorry," I said.

"It's okay," he said. "You just get home safe."

"Thanks a lot, subway station hunchback!" I said. I waved to him as the train pulled away. Then, he pulled something from his pocket, threw it to the ground, and a cloud of smoke exploded all around him. And, with that, he was gone...

I'm just kidding. He was still there, and coughing pretty badly, too. Loud, violent hacking, really. Must have been the cloud of smoke. It was pretty embarrassing.

So, yeah. The N, R, W smells real bad.


At 4:38 AM, Blogger Eric said...

Best post evar.

At 1:43 PM, Blogger MrGenuchi said...

Clearly, there's a moral in this. Somewhere.

At 5:24 PM, Blogger Rx King said...

Nothing like the smell of hot urine to wake you up in the morning.

Or elicit vomitting.

At 5:39 PM, Blogger AJ said...

You sound like a fine young man on his way to great things in the blog world. I will be watching you.


I know where you work.

And how you get there.

Heh heh heh

At 3:55 PM, Blogger Mhike (h is silent) said...

way funny, my coworkers were wondering what (h is not silent) i was laughing about.

At 9:57 PM, Blogger TPK said...

I feel your pain. Hell, I feel my pain. Ah, everything is a pain.

At 11:47 PM, Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

May I advise you not to go through the corridor on 34th that connects the Path to the Herald Sq. subway. Putrid.

And yes, you are hilarious, I've read everythign here.

At 7:16 PM, Blogger yatesy said...

I always said the offical smell of NYC was urine. Look it up, it's in the city charter!

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Julian said...

wow this site is really funny.

Anyway, Yay! Another person besides me and my cousing has heard of The Goonies! That's such a good movie.


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