10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Interns
10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Interns
(using no particular order or logic)
Interns Are Edible
The good news is we're made of candy. The bad news is that candy is black licorice. I know there are probably some people who like eating black licorice (statistically, someone has to), or, as it's known in France, "le black licorice." The name changes from region to region. In third world countries and other places where food is scarce, it's known as "Seriously, we don't have anything else?"
Interns Can Unite To Form Voltron
This rarely happens, but when the city is under attack, it's nice to have five interns clad (respectively) in suits of green, blue, orangish-yellow, red, and black to form the mighty Voltron: Defender of the Universe. Of course, the member wearing blue will later be injured and then replaced by the pink suited intern.*
"Help us, Voltron! The city is under attack!... also, this coffee has way too much creamer... work on that. Thanks a bunch, Voltron."
As I said, it doesn't happen often, but when it does, look out! If I could add the theme music, you better believe I would...
(click on me... one-way ticket to goodness)
Interns Have Feelings Too
Even though we're made of black licorice, our blood runs red** just like everyone else's. So, if you get the chance today, hug an intern. But not for too long. We have feelings, but for a select few interns, also rabies.
So, if you get the chance today, shoot a rabid intern. Mouth frothing. That's the key. And aim high. Bullets to the chest just anger rabid interns.
Interns Are Not God, For Crying Out Loud!
We try to save everyone we can, but sometimes they're just too far-gone to be brought back. You think we like watching people die?? We're doing the best we can, dammit! We're not God!***
Interns Aren't Robots
It's true. Though our movements are very robotic, and though we don't have the capacity to feel love, we are human. Technically. Don't confuse our constant need to do "the robot" with the true biology of our species.
Interns Are Capable Of Photosynthesis
...
What?
Interns Did Not Steal Your New Found Glory CD
Though your New Found Glory CD has been missing for the last week and a half, interns did not do it. Don't look at us; we don't even listen to that kind of music. Honestly, whoever stole it did you a favor. What? Stop rifling through our drawers!**** Dude, we don't have it!
Interns Once Drank A Whole Case Of Michelob And Puked All Over His Bed
There was, like, this crazy party at Jon-Jon's house in the 'burbs! And, like, someone totally snuck in, like, a whole case of Michelob! And Interns just sat in the corner and drank the whole thing himself! I thought he was going to fuckin' bleed out his eyes or some shit! Anyway, I heard from this one dude that Interns totally went home that night and puked all over his bed and then just, like, totally fell asleep in it. That guy's hardcore, man.
Interns Are Not Vin Diesel
Though it seems like a logical conclusion, interns are not Hollywood action star Vin Diesel. You may know Vin Diesel from films like XXX (pronounced "Triple X"), The Chronicles Of Riddick (oddly enough, also pronounced "Triple X"), and the smash hit, critically acclaimed, Oscar buzz-worthy sensation The Pacifier.
We're not him.
Interns Are Incorrigible
Interns have a tendency to get themselves into hilarious jams week after week. The conflict begins unexpectedly and usually resolves itself about a half hour later (unless it's a two parter). Strangely enough, it occurs the same day and time every week. Of course, every episode ends the exact same way...
(click on me... I'm good for you)
* If you know what this means, then you are truly sad... as am I. Let's embrace.
** Licorice. Yeah, I know, that was a bad joke. But I'm certain you all would have gone crazy waiting for that inevitable punch line.
*** Dammit!
**** "Drawers" is not spelled D-R-O-O-R-S. Sure, it sounds like "doors," but this is the English language, we don't need your "logic." I mean, we have doe and dough, and we have toe and tough. Our language is on the pot. Or rather, "potgh." The "gh" is silent.
posted by Andy @ 8:27 AM
62 Comments:
Now I sooo look forward to my summer internship... I wanna be the pink suited intern! *forwarding list to boss.
I get the pink intern reference Andy. We're not embracing, though.
---X
I also get the pink intern reference. I'll embrace you. But next time don't forget the mice.
It's good to know that interns are not Hollywood action star Vin Diesel. I was fearing how the transition process from girl to Hollywood action star Vin Diesel would occur. Now I only have to worry about becoming licorice! Yay.
AAAAHH!!! TEXT IS EVERYWHERE!!! AAAAHHH!! WHERE'S THE NAV BAR?! WHERE'S THE NAV BAR?! !^_^!
Please help us making Internet better (or at least, don't make it worst)... WATCH YOUR HTML CODE!!!! OR JUST MANAGE YOUR POST ARCHIVING SETTINGS!!!! !^_^!
Now, seriously: Your blog title results me interesting, but when i saw that HUGE amount of text, i abandoned the idea.
I have never been an intern.
I will probably never be an intern.
I hope that your interning comes with a nice package of health benefits that includes coverage on therapy. Because you need it. (in a nice way.)
But it probably doesn't.
Hence why you blog.
But that's probably a good thing.
At least interns get to be part of the cool voltron that's made of mechanical lions instead of the really lame voltron that's made up of cars and trucks or whatever.
Interns rock!
i didn't get the pink intern reference. i'm both glad and feel left out at the same time. any special reason why drawers is spelled droors?
random fact: vin diesel played the voice of a robot in the little known but lovely movie, "the iron giant." i don't know how that's relevant, but it seemed to be worth mentioning. all this talk of vin, interns, robots...
Hey! I need a pencil & make with the coffee STAT!
Once upon a time I wanted desperately to be the pink-suited intern. Cuz she was getting it on with the red-suit intern, you know.
http://mymomdatedspike.blogspot.com
Droors? Son of a... Stupid skateboard company... ruining my skills.
I always loved the episode of "That's Our Intern" when the Globetrotters came to town and helped the intern find out that Steve the Middle Manager was the one who was trying to scare customers away from the old amusement park.
Idiot Ramblings
Wasn't it the black one that later became pink? Or am I remembering incorrectly?
If it's red, then it's not a licorice whip, it's a cherry whip. I've told my interns a hundred times that licorice is the name of the flavoring, not the name of the candy itself. My last intern responded by putting licorice extract in my coffee. He makes a nice lampshade. BTW, I'm attracted to the tall, laughing female worker. Can you hook me up?
Funny stuff. Who do you intern for?
Just remember, slaughter is just laughter with an "s". Makes slaughter not seem like such a bad thing, if you pronounce it right.
As always, so funny my coworkers thought I had turned crazy (I once was an intern now with interns so the identity crisis has me teetering near the edge on non-blog-reading days) -- also, discovered new depth of shame in my friend, Cate (see comment above) - you hussy! A crush on a Voltron character!
I was reading a post on a different blog (don't you all wish you knew which one?) just before I read this one. In that post, the blogger addressed several questions to God, and I was highly tempted to answer them. Just to sign "God" at the end. But I didn't.
Now I know why. I'm an intern, and interns are not God. Thanks for clarifying. You saved me a visit to a shrink.
Random Ramblings
Poetic Things
you sure you're not really 27-year-old andy from wisconsin, who was an intern in new york years ago but couldn't get enough and decided to become a lifer?
the tone is uncanny.
admit it; you love being an intern down to your licorice-y core.
OMG... I get the pink joke. That's too disturbing. However, we won't embrace, as I don;t know where you've been, and I'm not willing to take my chances with rabid candies who aren't God.
Cheers
hurrah!! this blog eats up sooo much of my time being a temp - i love it! particularly the graphicy bits. i don't get the pink suit thing but it's probably because i'm english, and yes our language has too many gh's where there should just be a ow, or an uff - baffles the shit out of me!!
x
it's sooo funny...
You make me want to be an intern instead of a lowly student working on one degree so I'll be qualified to get another degree. :)
AAAAHH!!! TEXT IS EVERYWHERE!!! WHICH WOULD BE OKAY EXCEPT THAT I CAN'T REALLY READ^_^!
Please help us making Eenglish better for read. WRITE EVERYTHING IN CAPS!!!OR JUST PUT A LOT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS AND OTHER ERRONEOUS PUNCTUATION !^_^!
Your so funny you made me almost want to eat black licorice...Almost.
Dude you puked off a case of beer???? You haven't quite mastered the ways of the intern warrior yet have you? You've much to learn, young one.
P.S. I come here when I'm feeling down and need a laugh, and you deliver every time- thanks Mr. New York Intern.
Great Post
Highly amusing. Thanks Andy.. don't start writing in CAPS as some person commented.. keep the english language the way it is.
Check out my blog at www.rupertmyers.blogspot.com for an up to date look at Politics, News, current events, and cultural phenomenon from the point of view of a Cambridge University student in England Thanks!
How I wish I was an intern again. Neah...it sucks dude.
I actually really like black licorice.
I've never actually met an intern before, either. So I will take all of these facts as truths.
I love black licorice. It makes your poo go black. If you eat a lot of it, you get runny black poo. I don't know if there are any analogies to interns there. Perhaps you could let me know
Hmmmm. Now I don't feel so bad about biting that intern last week.
If you see him, please tell him that he can have his leg back.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not powerful enough to have an intern, let alone bite one.
Voltron analogy is perfect. Well said! Some people really think. Congratulations! You're a real person!
I want an intern! But will I have to walk him/her? Are there tax benefits? Will they bring me spiritual fulfilment?
So many things to consider.
Oh, and I embrace you virtually for the Voltron reference.
I wonder if your boss feeds you out of a bowl. Does he give you treats if you sit? I used to be an intern...never again.
Things I wish I had
Haa.. very very funny! I enjoy your article -this one especially!
In my region, interns are made of coke. Coke besides eatting into enamel, it also *but slowly* eats into the brain cells. *Tada* Bet you din know that huh. Which often explains why some - and i stress SOME interns are no brainers. *Tada*
No. I never drink anything made by MNCs. Never.
Thank God the interns are forming Voltron and NOT turning into Power Rangers.
I love you man!
People like you make me sick for a number of reasons. Firstly, you make it seem like you are God's gift to college students by "ACTUALLY scoring an internship!" in one breath and then complain about being abused in another. Newsflash: those who get abused have self-esteem issues. This is a not an entirely impossible problem to solve--show some charisma, or as I like to say, GET SOME BALLS.
The people in your department will be more impressed if you show your strengths (although from reading this blog I doubt if you have ANY) than if you play the role of the LOWLY INTERN. You're just another pathetic minion who will never make it in this world because of your conformist views on life. And no, just because you are a liberal doesn't make you a non-conformist.
For all of you who sympathize this slacker: you're in an even worse position--reading this blog (probably religiously) afraid to start your own because you're not "kewl" or smart enough. There's always xanga, I guess. I despise you.
That being said, get a life :)
Need a hug?
Brian but you can call me sir. managed to fit in balls, charisma, minion and kewl into that. Clearly he thinks like all of us interns.
humour. raw humour! :)
This is good stuff. Hope you'll continue your blogging post-internship.
Internships in accounting are the only way for students to get their feet in the door in what is as very competitive industry. An internship is an immensely useful tool for a student to both earn money and gain valuable experience that will help when the time comes to get a real job. Paid Accounting Internships are the norm and it is relatively easy to find suitable opportunities. InternZoo.com has a plethora of opportunities listed on its website. If you simply search google for internships New York, or for internships California countless opportunities will show up. For more info visit us at http://www.internzoo.com/Industries/AccountingFinance-1.aspx
cute
I just started my internship with a golf marketing company called Legendary Marketing. So far it seems like it’s a complete waste of time and I'm just HOPING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD that I don't end up just dropping out of this.
I am also an intern and so far, I enjoy the company of my colleagues and I also learn a lot from the job. Internship for me is a great experience to cherish.
It can be tough to be an intern. If you want to do the proper research to find the best possible internship for you, Vault can be a great resource. Vault.com is an online career building service with connections to companies currently offering internships and there's lots of free info on resume writing and interview tips. Since so much of their info on internships
is free, it can't hurt to check it out!
Yup!
I was wondering what is up with that weird gravatar??? I know 5am is early and I’m not looking my best at that hour, but I hope I don’t look like this
nikeoutlet.com
nike high heels
I might however make that face if I’m asked to do 100 pushups.
replica handbag
These days many people are getting their degrees through online programs. A lot of individuals are working full-time jobs, supporting their families and trying to get an education at the same time.replica handbag
I’m currently going through an accredited online Art program as well. Just make sure your online program is an accredited collegekaren millen
karen millen dresses
karen millen dress
I’m currently going through an accredited online Art program as well. Just make sure your online program is an accredited collegekaren millen
karen millen dresses
karen millen dress
which I believe the Academy of Art University is. You can check their website or speak to a University representative to go over their accreditatio
replica handbag
A lot of individuals are working full-time jobs, supporting their families and trying to get an education at the same time.
karen millen
karen millen dresses
karen millen dress
I’m currently going through an accredited online Art program as well.
nikeoutlet.com
nike high heels
Just make sure your online program is an accredited college, which I believe the Academy of Art University is. You can check their website or speak to a University representative to go over their accreditation.
nikeoutlet.com
nike high heels
Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you're a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back in the foreseeable future. I want to encourage you continue your great job, have a nice day!
This is hilarious! How do I follow you?! I'm sorry, I'm new to Blogger. I'm an intern as well and just started my own blog focusing on being an intern. Hopefully you can find yourself reading it as it progresses?
Thanks!
Mackenzie
Great post! I am actually getting ready to across this information, is very helpful my friend. Also great blog here with all of the valuable information you have. Keep up the good work you are doing here. Rent a Car on monthly basis in Islamabad
As I always say, it is a pleasure for me to read your blogs. It is not easy to get such an elaborated and smartly presented content at random websites. I read many blogs in a day and out of them, yours are one of the best blogs. Islamabad to Murree Rent a Car
I loved the post, keep posting interesting posts
Rental car in Rawalpindi
Rental car in Islamabad
Post a Comment
<< Home