Google Satellite Maps
Living in New York for so many months has created a void in the fabric of my being. Also, I'm very, very deep. You can't say "fabric of my being" without having first attained a certain level of deepness. And my new-age life coach tells me that, after my check clears, I will have attained that level of deepness.Though I can think of lots of reasons I'd want to stay in New York, it'd be nice to see my hometown, see my house. If only there were some sort of satellite that I could utilize to capture high resolution images of my hometown in Wisconsin. If only...
Well, do you believe in miracles, folks? Because that's not what happened. This problem was solved with good old fashioned internet link-sendin'. No miracles. None at all. Thanks, God. No, really, I'm so glad I spent all those years in private school praising your name. God could easily acquire some high resolution shots of my neighborhood. So why doesn't he? Simple, really. God hates high resolution pictures of my neighborhood. Yes, his hate is so specific.
Anyway, my great friend Nate sent me a link the other day. The link, http://maps.google.com, allows users to scan the higher populated areas of the United States and zoom to near-street-level shots. It's quite impressive.
Perfect, I thought, having just drawn a perfect circle freehand, as the artist Giotto did to prove his skill to Pope Boniface VIII. But also perfect because this link will allow me to see the neighborhood I grew up in without leaving the comfort of my own New York residence, warmly referred to by the neighborhood locals as "that place" and "a God forsaken hole where demon's spawn and demon babies eat smaller, less cool demon babies, leaving only one demon baby who is inevitably considered the coolest demon baby in the neighborhood." Those neighbors sure are quirky! But they do put up with the demon babies, so you've got to love them!
I located my general area using Google's satellite maps. I wasn't even completely zoomed in and already I was impressed. Look at this incredible shot, is what I would say if the picture was bigger and clearer. Since it isn't, I'll just say, "Hey... look at this!"
A little breathtaking, I know. I was pumped. Finally, after months, I was going to see my hometown. I was going to get a little slice of home away from home.
Then I zoomed in closer. I was not prepared for the sight, ladies and gentlemen. I only hope that there is still time to contact my family and friends before they've fled the city.
Pray with me, fellow bloggers.
WARNING: 1980's references will never not be cool. Flux capacitor, the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man -- get on board, folks, or get the hell out of the way.
posted by Andy @ 8:00 AM
28 Comments:
Ghostbusters was the first Rated-PG movie I ever saw. I just crossed my fingers behind my back and nodded when Maggie's mother asked me if my mom let me see PG movies. (I was the oldest, but Maggie was the last a long line of sisters.)
I wasn't traumatized, per se, but I do still experience slight anxiety when I see the Marshmallow Man.
Luckily, though, the sight of him also starts up the soundtrack in my head. I ain't 'fraid o' no ghost.
flux capacitator then made me think of aoen flux (sp?) - which used to appear after vh1's pop-up video when it was first on the air - 80's references indeed.
This weekend I've been ill. They say when you're ill, try humour. It helps you heal. So I've been reading your blog. You're a hoot, Andy. I'm going to tell them Noo Yawk folks reading my blog to check out yours.
Well, I've never been to Noo Yawk. And I've never seen the marshmallow man. But we do have our version...
He's called the Moon Gazer. He's a long, tall, pale, very pale...almost white dude, who straddles the road late at night, gazing at the moon. If you pass, he'll grab you with his long long legs and strangle you.
We call 'ghosts' jumbie.
Pray for us, Andy :-)
I'm totally jealous! When you look up MY hometown you get a giant blob of green that looks like there might be some smaller lighter-colored blobs that would be houses. If you zoom in closer it says "image not available". I guess they just didn't think it was worthwhile to take a photo with the GOOD satellite.
In the satellite shot of my house, you can see the white suburban kids driving down my street looking for heroin.
I would watch my GhostBusters! DVD with my breakfast, but my nephew has it.
I got to caption GhostBusters! That was an awesome day and a half of work.
Sigh.
StayPuft rocks.
"Oooooohhh... shiiiiiiit!"
It's quite possible that Wisconsin is the most under-rated state I can think of. (In case you're wondering, and there's a good chance you are, because really who says that...I wasn't kidding.) I think there's some sort of Midwestern magnet that keeps people here (or in some cases, causes them to move to California, lose 18 pounds, and dread the sound of shovel-scraping-sidewalk forever)
You are an incredibly entertaining writer. Keep up the good posts!!
i want to make some witty comment but i can't compete with gladys here. thought that was hilarious. then k's fleet week comment, which i loved (am counting down the days, btw it's just a little over a month away), and christina described my mother in a nutshell (she moved to CA...)...
i'm abstaining...rather, i'm commenting to say that i'm abstaining.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha bonk!
(laughing my head off)
I do believe you are mistaken. I know for a fact that "a God forsaken hole where demon's spawn and demon babies eat smaller, less cool demon babies, leaving only one demon baby who is inevitably considered the coolest demon baby in the neighborhood" the correct description for the town that I grew up in, which is nowhere near Wisconsin. You may want to double check your sources.
Stay Puff's Cool, but I heard the news update on TV saying that Godzilla & friends are having a great marshmallow feast right now, so problem solved
BTW, You've somehow managed to get your blog quite crowded, keep up the good work (that would be your day job) no, really , I can't wait for your next post, this is the second time I leave a comment, but the first time I'm not post # 50 and I think no one got to read that the last time. Great site, Andy
Ahh, StayPuft! I used to have nightmares about him. Though once I did dream that I was married to him. Hmm. Not sure what my subconscious was doing there. Maybe I'd just read about female praying mantises consuming their mates and my subconscious thought, "Ah ha! There's the way to get rid of her fear! Eat him!"
Go figure.
Great blog, BTW. I've been enjoying it highly. :)
Never fear, I'll call the Karate Kid and Teen Wolf to go take care of it.
"I only hope that there is still time to contact my family and friends before they've fled the city."
Wait, are you saying you saw the pic, posted this post, then tried to contacted your family?
I see you have your priorities in order.
:o)
What's up man. I enjoy your posts, keep on keepin on...
Anyone who can not only appreciate the goldmine of 80's pop culture, but also use it to create crap-in-pants inducing comedy is a friend of mine whether they like it or not. Don't even try contacting the authorities or serving me with any fancy "restraining orders" because I'm going to dig through your garbage late at night and steal your empty tissue boxes anyway.
Also, I love you.
i like your blog.. thumbs up! =)
Don't worry Interns from the future will hitch a ride with the bootleggers , use Google maps to zoom in on your town, unite to form Voltron and save your hometown.Just as interns have been saving hometowns since the time of the Pharoahs.
Hmmm been reading your Blog too much.
All this eighties talk and noone mentioned "flock of seagulls"...er I just did. Great post and blog. I'll be checking in again!
Peace and Stay Puft!
*sigh. Your blog is my favorite blog to go to. However, not ot be mean, it has gone downhill a little bit. Well..just a little. I thought this post and the Blogger loading post was a little bit inferior compared to your others. Keep blogging though. I enjoy it.
I caught the last half of 16 Candles on TV Saturday and actually caught myself wondering if I whouldn't show it to the girls I mentor - I just couldn't imagine growing up without a wealth of knowledge about the Brat Pack, pastel clothing, big hair, and Prom held in the gym. Nothing compares to the '80s - at least for those of us who remember them.
Ghostbusters was also my first PG movie, emily! But my nightmares involve Slimer chasing me through the basement of a bank that had an attached basketball court. The building existed in a white void. And afterward Pluto the dog ate me alive.
GOZER.
You are one funny guy Andy. Smart, good writer, hysterical. I just have one question...Why the hell are you an intern? Please tell me you are not in finance slaving away every breath of your twenties for the pot of gold at the end of the NASDAQ.
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*sigh. Your blog is my favorite blog to go to. However, not ot be mean, it has gone downhill a little bit. Well..just a little. I thought this post and the Blogger loading post was a little bit inferior compared to your others.
Oh, come on, Justin, baby, give me a chance. I can change, baby! Really! I can change!
Nah, it's just the way it flows. Sometimes it's crap and sometimes it's crap that kind of looks and feels like gold. :)
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Hi.marshmallow man - didn't you just want to eat him? Graham from www.logo-n-stitch.co.uk
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